In my youth of yesteryear – you know, like three months ago – on this weekly holiday we typically would hole up at Area 52 which is a dive bar near our house that serves $1 tacos that are so delicious yet somehow also make you hate yourself and your life choices. But when you wash them down with a $2.75 well cocktail, it evens itself out. Since I've been trying to cook relatively healthy every day, and I had a hankering for halibut, I decided I'd make some healthy fish tacos and circumvent our usual Tuesday routine.
I walk past Portland Fish Market every day on my way home, and today I stopped in. I asked for enough halibut to serve two people, and the friendly fish monger – side note, is that not the best job title EVER? I want to be a monger, of any variety – grabbed two small fillets, weighed them and proceeded to ring me up.
TWENTY FIVE EFFING DOLLARS!
I'll let that sink in. $25. For two small pieces of halibut.
First of all, you shifty fish monger, halibut is a bottom-feeder and really is like the mole of the fish world. YES it is delicious, but how do you sleep at night? Do you roofie yourself, or perhaps drink enough to forget that you make a living charging people 4x the hourly minimum wage for two slabs of fish?
Here's where the story takes a predictable turn (if you know me). I smiled and handed him my money with no objection whatsoever, because I didn't want to cause a stir. If you ever want to swindle someone out of money with whatever cockamamie scheme you can hatch, come knock on my door because I am too nice to object.
Next stop was the grocery store for guacamole ingredients, cabbage and cotija cheese. If you've never had cotija cheese, do yourself a favor and buy a wheel... and then eat the whole thing without utensils of any sort. Whether you set out to do that or not, that is what will happen.
I no longer buy tortillas because one night I was craving tacos and had consumed a few adult beverages and logged onto Amazon and ordered pastured lard, 8 pounds of masa, a tortilla press, and one of those tortilla warmer things you get when you order fajitas. I thought I'd be a certified Grown Up when I turned 30 but those dreams have been shattered. I am an impulsive fat kid with a paycheck.
Anyways, homemade tortillas are absolutely delicious and easy. How many of these do you want to shove in your face?
On to the fish. I followed the recipe from my food bible, The Food Lab, for breaded fish and got it cooking after finishing up my tortillas and tucking them into bed in their fancy little warmer (I GOT FREE SHIPPING). I threw together a quick guacamole with a chopped onion, tomatoes, lime juice and 3 avocados. One thing I appreciate so much about Latin cuisine is that it is so delicious in its simplicity – the tortillas take like five seconds to pull together if you're blind and lazy, and guacamole really just requires a fork, a knife and enough upper body strength to brush your hair.
Considering it cost me more than I would typically spend on a dress, leggings, and a pair of sandals at H&M, the fish was lucky that it came out phenomenal otherwise I would have thrown it against my wall which seems to be a pretty undignified way to end ones earthly presence. Finally, it was time to assemble.
Homemade tortillas. Crisp leaf of Boston lettuce. Homemade guacamole. Crispy breaded halibut. Shredded cabbage. Cotija cheese.
It was delicious. It's very satisfying to see all these simple elements come together – it sounds cliché, but the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. The sharp crunch of the onion, the creaminess of the guacamole, the chewiness of the tortillas, the crispness of the fish all topped off with a mild but pungent cheese – it was godly. It clearly cost more than the $1 taco down the road – and I did miss the sideshow of weathered day-drinkers trying to karaoke – but worth every penny.
I highly recommend getting drunk and ordering tortilla-making supplies on Amazon, and creating your own Taco Tuesday. Next week I think I'll make a taco with mango salsa because that sounds fancy and weird. The world is your oyster – go forth and Taco!*
*Note to self: Oyster tacos might be a thing
Bonus: Halfway through, with extra guac.
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